Someone asked me about self-love this week, and it made me reflect on my journey.
I had been struggling with self-love for most of my adult life.
I’ve heard about self-love for many years. However, during those times, I only knew the concept in theory. I didn’t know how to practice it, let alone embody it.
Back then, I was very familiar with self-hatred, self-beratement, and self-judgments, sadly to my detriment.
Here is the question that I asked myself.
Why was it so difficult for me to love me?
The answer that I got was because something happened a long time ago and I saw that as one huge mistake. And therefore, a part of me punished me for making that mistake by withholding love.
It was like a part of me thought that I didn’t deserve love because I made that mistake.
Since then, I had learned to degrade myself every time I made other mistakes. I would even go as far as calling myself stupid just because I made those mistakes.
After years of degrading myself, filling myself with self-hatred, self-beratement, and self-judgments became my constant companions. There was never a day that went by without them occupied most of my inner thoughts.
Thirty years later, which was earlier this year, I was finally able to embody self-love.
It took me by surprise.
I was able to love myself with ease.
Even my husband, Bobby, couldn’t believe my transformation.
Self-love didn’t come easy for me.
What used to be a concept has now become my reality.
The journey that I took involved a lot of letting go of my stories about my past, countless energy clearings on several levels, and also doing the necessary inner work.
Do I treat myself differently now with regards to making mistakes?
I am not going to lie.
I still make mistakes. Big and small. Countless times. I make them once in a while nowadays.
The big difference between now and then is I am quick to forgive myself.
Any mistakes that I made, instead of blaming, shaming, and being mean to myself, I forgive myself, I learn from my mistakes, and I gently instruct my brain to remember to not repeat the same mistakes in the future.
I no longer condemn myself for making mistakes.
The energy and experience are definitely different from before.
It’s like taking a breath of fresh air.
I feel freer than ever.
How can one practice self-love?
Here are my suggestions if you want to undertake the journey to embody self-love.
- Make self-love a priority. Choose to love yourself all the time. Loving yourself includes being compassionate, being aware and choosing to stop any negative and disempowering thinking about yourself and other people. The time when you are mean to yourself, that’s when you need to love yourself the most.
- Practice genuine forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness comes from the heart. Forgive yourself, your younger self, and everyone who is involved in a particular event in your past. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing. Continuously forgive until you are no longer triggered.
- Do a lot of self-reflection. Reflect on events that happened in the past. Observe what happened without being invested. What insights do you get from watching the event? What can you learn from it? What are possible for you now?
- Letting go. There are so many things that we took on when we grew up that shaped our reality, whether they are beneficial or otherwise. Learn to question their validity and whether they resonate with your inner truth. If they no longer resonate with you, it’s time to let them go. Holding on to them will only hurt you whether it’s physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.
- Energy clearing. Clear energetic blockages in your chakras. Clear your emotional body from disempowering emotional patterns. Release suppressed emotions from your emotional storage. Clear your mental body from disempowering thought patterns.
(Sometimes blockages and disempowering patterns may hinder a person from experiencing self-love)
Here is my take on self-love and my own struggle with it.
My struggle with self-love had shown me that this was the aspect of myself that I needed to learn and master.
As long as I haven’t learned to love myself, I will continue to have this unloving battle within myself.
For decades, I have been extremely good at hating, judging, and scrutinizing myself.
I had to go through the ugliest situations and circumstances to know what self-love isn’t.
I guess that I was fortunate that earlier this year was the time for me to make a big change.
It was time to love myself unconditionally.
My spiritual teacher shared that, “Things don’t happen to you… they happen for you.”
Whatever that you had experienced in the past that made you feel self-love seems impossible, you need to know that those events had to happen so that you can rise above them.
I absolutely get it if you feel those events seem rather cruel.
The fact of the matter is, they happened.
We can’t change what happened in the past. No matter how much we want to.
What we can do is have new empowering perspectives about those events.
And it is really up to you to empower yourself despite what happened in the past.
The question that you might want to ask yourself is are you doing everything that you can to overcome your struggle so that you can finally experience self-love for yourself?
Self-love is an internal journey.
It can only be achieved from within. Hence, self-love.
It is love for oneself, that is from within.
I came across the concept of ascension back in 2014.
I didn’t know what it was about, and I wasn’t sure if I should take the concept seriously.
Over the four years, I had been going back and forth. Every time I asked myself if I wanted to take on the ascension path, I somehow unsure if I wanted to walk down that path.
The more I read about it, the more I learned about it, and finally, in 2018, I decided to commit to it.
I started my journey by having an ascension reading to see where I was energetically in my ascension process. This reading is also used as a baseline to monitor my ascension process.
In the 2018 ascension reading, I had between 30% and 50% of my karma left to pay depending on the chakra.
I also had 2 of my chakras that are misaligned due to karma that was not being resolved.
Why are these measurements important?
Ascension is about paying our karma and clearing them from our chakras.
To ascend, we must have zero karma left in our chakras.
The latest reading that I had back in April 2020 was I have between 20% and 30% of my karma left to pay.
My previous 2 chakras that were previously misaligned are now aligned with the rest of the chakras.
The products and the healings provided, as well as being conscious about my thoughts and emotions have been a huge help to get me to where I am today.
My next update will be in October 2020.
I look forward to having more light in my chakras and less karma to pay.
If you are interested to find out more about ascension, click this link.
This morning I decided to give this new thing a try.
Meditated in my Sacred heart.
To those who are wondering where is the Sacred heart, it is above the heart chakra.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
Then I brought my awareness to the space above my heart chakra.
I made the intention to stay in that space for as long as I can.
However, I was surprised when I started to feel extremely uncomfortable.
My chest tightens, I felt needle pain around my chest and my throat closing up.
The first thought that I had was to abandon my meditation. I was very tempted to do so.
Then I remembered someone mentioned that when we feel a dislike or uncomfortable with something, it’s telling us that there is work that we need to do within ourselves.
Part of me was curious and wanting to know what inner work that I needed to do.
With that, I persuaded myself to just allow myself to be in the space.
The uncomfortableness got intense.
I kept myself focus.
I felt the pain, but I didn’t allow myself to get carried away by them.
After 5 minutes, the pain eased off.
Something beautiful came through after that.
I felt this soft, loving energy that flowed from my left temple to my right leg.
That soft, loving energy was a gift.
It was a reward for my willingness to go through the somewhat uncomfortable process.
Thank you God, for the lovely and unexpected gift.
Now, I am aware that I don’t consistently “live” in my heart.
Usually, my thoughts, actions, and words are from my brain. I can say hurtful things to people without having the awareness that my words can hurt until it’s too late and the damage has been done.
For me to “live” from my heart takes a lot of conscious effort.
The intense pain that I felt during the meditation revealed how uncomfortable I was being in my heart.
I am guessing that being in my heart is the next lesson that I need to master.
I’ve had a couple of vivid dreams lately.
They felt so real that when I woke up from my sleep, I felt like I was on a different reality.
Once I remember that I had those vivid dreams during the night or morning before, it finally sinking in that those are just dreams, and I’m still on the same reality as before.
I subscribe to the belief that our dreams are telling us something.
I’ve learned to decipher my own dreams ever since I learned energy healing back in 2011.
At first, I didn’t know what to make of these vivid dreams that I had.
They were odd, they also felt so damn real, and I had a feeling that they were telling me something. I just didn’t know how to decipher them.
What Bobby always says about dreams is that the images or stories are random, feelings, however, are real.
Every time I had vivid dreams, I always check in with myself.
I ask myself the following questions.
- What do the stories in my dream mean?
- What do the things that I see represent?
- Why did I feel the way that I felt in my dream?
- How are the stories relate to what’s actually happening in real life?
Bobby finds it intriguing that I put a lot of importance on my dreams. I only do because I believe what’s hidden in our unconscious mind can be revealed through our dreams.
Let me share my interpretation of one of my vivid dreams that I had a few weeks ago.
My old, outdated beliefs got dismantled. What's left is a beautiful foundation. What that I do and did in this world, there is karma associate with them. Sooner or later, I have to pay them so that I can move on in this life.
What’s the significance of this dream?
It’s letting me know that the inner work and self-healing that I had been doing have paid off. It’s also a reminder that there is still more work to be done.
Since my old, outdated beliefs got dismantled, I can now work on having new empowering beliefs.
I should be aware that there is no escape in paying my karma. Therefore, focus on paying them along the way.
It’s a beautiful message even though the stories in the dream were somewhat apocalyptic and made me scared for my life.
I don’t always get vivid dreams. Sometimes I know that I had one or several normal dreams, but I don’t remember them after I wake up.
The ones that I tend to remember are the ones that I had a strong emotional reaction to them.
My thoughts on dream interpretation are it is subjective and the person who knows better with what is going on in their unconscious mind is the person who has the dreams.
If interpreting your dreams is something that you want to take on, you can start by asking yourself the four questions listed above.