Never meet your childhood heroes

I recently met my teacher at an event.

When I first saw her, I thought she looked familiar.

I searched in my brain and I finally recognized her.

I got so excited, I couldn’t believe that she stood in front of me and she was attending the event.

I waved my hand and after I got her attention, I sheepishly asked her if she remembered me.

She was probably shocked at first and after she got over it, she asked my name.

And she continued on saying, “Muamu ani macam kenal pulang.” (You do look familiar)

After I told her my full name, it took her a few seconds and then she remembered me.

Her demeanor changed instantly, she looked unbelievably happy to see me and she came forward to hug me.

She said, “Masa Muda Hashim.” (It was during Muda Hashim Secondary School)

And I agreed with her.

She asked me what year was it when she taught me.

I answered, “1997”.

Then she told me it was good to see me.

During the event, I got to reminisce how she was the teacher who told me upfront that I was smart and I shouldn’t waste it.

She also advised me to get myself glasses so I could see better in class (because at that time, I didn’t own a pair).

At that time I didn’t know that I need glasses.

I thought it was normal for me to not be able to see from far. (LOL right)

I guess she figured out that I needed them.

And so… I’m wearing glasses now because of her, because of her I saw the world clearly. Literally.

I’m grateful that she saw that I had potential when I was unsure of myself.

I love her for what she did for me.

Yesterday that warm fuzzy feeling that I have for my teacher was soon replaced by betrayal and disappointment.

Before I continue, I need to explain a bit further.

Earlier this year my youngest sister was posted as a teacher to a secondary school.

On her first day, she was informed by the ministry that she needed to report to the principal of the school which she did.

My sister shared that her first encounter with the principal was rather unpleasant.

The principal didn’t even bother to welcome my sister, she didn’t even look up to see my sister’s face and she was just busy doing her own thing while my sister sat in front of her and was trying to have a civil conversation with her.

When I heard my sister’s story, I was thinking that this is not the kind of behaviour to welcome someone new or otherwise into your organisation.

This is a fuck off, don’t bother me, I have nothing to say to you (un)welcome.

Enough to say that my sister didn’t feel welcome at all and she felt dishearten by the way the principal treated her.

She left with teary eyes and her heart broken.

When my sister shared her experience with us (me and my other 2 siblings), we were so fucking pissed at the principal.

I was like, how dare she treated my sister, another human being, the way she did!

She was being unprofessional, discourteous and blatantly rude.

I absolutely hate her for hurting my sister.

Days later we found out that the principal had a hidden agenda and she wanted some other teacher to be transferred to that school and she didn’t want my sister and she wanted my sister to be out so that the other teacher can come in instead.

In addition, It turned out that one of my cousin’s also had several negative experiences with this principal.

When my cousin had heard that my sister was posted to that secondary school, she discussed with my sister and shared her own personal experiences of that principal.

It was something along the line that my cousin was supposed to be promoted to a higher position but got demoted instead because of the principal.

If you haven’t guess it already, that principal whose disregard of other people’s feelings is my teacher. The teacher that I was fond of.

The moment it was confirmed it was her, I felt conflicted.

I remembered that she was kind, helpful and honest too.

It’s like you’re married to a wonderful man, he’s being the wonderful husband but the people around you told you that your husband is a rapist.

Because of this, I couldn’t focus on doing anything else let alone meditate this morning.

There is a part of me that still loves my teacher and the other part really hates for what she did.

It’s difficult for me to believe the one person who saw a potential in the younger me could do such things to other people.

I don’t know how many people that she has hurt in order for her to get her way and I personally hate people who hurt other people.

I don’t care who you are.

If you are in the business of hurting other people, you are so NOT WELCOME in my world.

It’s best you get the fuck out of my life.

I acknowledge that I’m only hearing one side of the story.

I don’t know her side of the story, why she behaved and did what she did.

There is however no excuse for being such a dick or a bitch to someone who you don’t know and whom you’ve never met before.

I guess it’s so fucking easier to disregard other people when you think that they are a stranger.

I’m writing this to let others know that I acknowledge their experience with/of her and I don’t make their experience wrong just because I had several wonderful experiences with her.

I don’t know why she became who she is now.

But what stays with me is that I’m grateful for what she did for me back then.

I understand if this is difficult for you to swallow.

Even my own sisters find it unbelievable that I knowing what she did to my own sister, can be grateful for her brief existence in my life.

Having said that, I don’t condone her methods and behaviors that negatively affect other people.

Like I said, I hate people who hurt other people.

And I guess, the honeymoon is finally over.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.