Ever since I passed the 5th initiation, I began to notice that the things that I thought mattered to me, don’t anymore. It made me question why was I doing the things that I did. From sharing the BTS of my daily life to writing my IG posts and blogs. At some point, I considered stopping everything that I was doing because I didn’t see the point of it all.
I also become detached from the world and its issues. Previously, I was easily affected by world issues. I would cry, I would condemn and became depressed afterward over whatever was happening in the world. I feel like this isn’t the time for me to be overly concerned about world issues. I strongly feel that I need a time out so I can focus on myself.
I get to see with clarity how the ego shows up in other people including myself. It was a bit upsetting to see how and where my ego shows up in my life. However, to see how other people’s egos show up in their life is shockingly mind-blowing. Honestly, I found this to be eerie at first but now I don’t think much of it.
I feel very much like I had an internal shift in my personality. I feel the shift when I am alone. When I am with other people however my ego is still very much operating at large. Sometimes I manage to catch myself and realize when my ego is taking charge. Some other times I couldn’t help but slip and let my ego does whatever it always does.
I feel like I’m getting to know “myself” again. I also feel like I’m learning to recognize my ego whenever it shows up. For what? I guess to discern whether my thoughts, words or actions come from my ego or my real self. And for me to choose to be the ego or the real me.
I’ve had a few memorable moments during this time. I meditated and I was surprised by the opening of my heart space and I could feel the energy of love pouring out from me. It filled my energy field and expanded outward. I’ve never experienced this before and I’m grateful that I was able to experience it several times. I’m guessing this is what loving self and humanity feel like.
I also felt that I had become softer. My husband noticed this as well. He said that I was less angry and I complained less too. I guess that was a win for both of us.
I felt like I was experiencing the energy of unconditional love throughout this brief period of my life.
It had been an amazing experience for me and I look forward to passing the 6th initiation.
Thank you for taking the time to read, comment and subscribe.
Power, Peace & Love,